entire days passed in the blink of an eye. nothing made sense. faces, bedrooms, restaurants, parking lots, all blurred together like a rainy day.
one moment i was in the backseat getting spun, close my eyes to calm the pounding in my stomache, open them, and i'm on the other side of town with my clothes scattered across the kitchen floor, on all fours, pulling at my hair, screaming his name and when i finally catch my breath and go to kiss his face, shadows are taking shapes like people standing in the road and i'm almost home asking myself, "where in the hell did the time go?" as soon as i unlocked the front door, the sun was up and another day was begining.
in addition to never sleeping, i stopped eating as well and distracted my appetite with more chemicals. after leading such a lifestyle for one week after the next, after the other, my body shut down. i slipped into a nightmare that i couldn't get out of because rest was not an option at that point, i think my insides were rotting away.
so i fell asleep sometime in march, woke up and went at it again. i managed to stay clean for the majority of may, none of which i remember because i was so miserable without uppers, ended up relapsing two nights ago, haven't slept since, and i can't believe it's already june. i'll be eighteen in a few weeks.
discovering any hint of faith would be helpful around now. i don't want to start the cycle again. it hurts the ones who love me so, so much. i can't keep doing this to people.